Komorebi.

The alarm was set for 05:45. When the alarm goes off that early you have two options, either; immediately throw your legs over the side of the bed and propel yourself into a position that loosely resembles that of somebody that is awake or barely open your eyes, let your sleeping hand emerge from under the safety of the duvet and fumble around for your phone, crack one eye just enough to make out the off button and then rollover, back to sleep, as if the alarm never happened. I am both happy and surprised to say that this morning I was able to execute the former.

I’d decided, just five minutes before getting into bed last night, that I’d set an early alarm and get out in the morning sunshine for a run. And I’m so happy that I did. It’s Summer! The towpath was busier than I’d expected but still by no means busy. The odd jogger and a handful of conscientious dog walkers getting out before it becomes too hot to trot.

The sun was magnificent, I have to assume that she’s a genius. Pulling shapes, unapologetic. A burning desire to burst her way through every space imaginable. Streaming through the leaves, casting lines that were at once both undeniable yet hardly there at all. Now I can say that I’ve seen gold, real gold. I squinted my eyes and smiled. And not a smile for the camera! smile, this was a real smile. An I’m-alive-smile.

I drove home, windows down, talk-radio played soft, a white noise. The heat was already picking up so I decided that as soon as I got home I’d get the dog out for a walk. I was soaked through to my socks due to the morning dew, but the cool sensation was welcome at this point. The dog turned his head to look up at me, I knew exactly what he was saying, and he was right, It was beautiful.

As if to test the authenticity of my joy, or the strength of my smile, I arrived home to accusations of selfishness. I was being presented with a dossier of neglect that apparently spanned four days! I listened in disbelief as my crimes were listed, then came my turn to defend myself. Which perhaps foolishly I attempted to do. I didn’t get very far though before I was being spoken over, my words were useless. I apologised, not to be done with the interaction but because I could see that my actions (or lack-thereof) had caused genuine distress. And for that I was sorry.

I don’t believe my apologies were heard and before the conversation could progress any further she was out the door and starting up the engine.

I didn’t like the interaction. Didn’t make me feel good. Want to do better. But, as I sit now, in the garden, with a cup of coffee. I can safely say that my joy and smile passed the test and are indeed authentic and strong. Today was and still is a beautiful one.

(My run was soundtracked by The Clash - London Calling (Remastered))